Gift # 3 - I hate my sin

Illustration by Nicki Licking

I really do. And I love singing about how much I hate my sin. You should try it. But it's not just an end to itself. God knows all about my sin, and still loves me. There's something very worshipful about praising not a distant God who sees only the good in you, but one who knows you intimately and can see all the bad as well. It's like having someone who knows every secret you have, will not look down on you, and still wants to be your friend. And if you don't ask him, he won't tell anyone.

King David realized this at some point in his life and wrote Psalm 139. God knows every one of his thoughts before he even says them, but David still has the willingness to say "Search me, O God, and know my heart."

I feel lost amidst all the suffering
I get tense when facing my own pride
I'm confused when I turn away from You
I seek rest in objects made of sand
Reaching for your light but never take a step
I'm the emblem of unwilling sacrifice

O my Lord, You look upon Your creation
War and violence, greedy and diseased
And I'm tainted just like every other child
Afraid of letting go, walking into the unknown
Opting for the broken, earthen vessels shattered
Why am I afraid of potter's hands?

O our God, yes our God, He sees it all
O our God, o our God, He knows it all

Father knows exactly why He made me
It was not so I could live like this
This is not why He gave me His spirit
Why He's kept me alive and healthy all these years
Why did His treasure die for me?
Why put me in His family
Unless He thinks I can overcome and die to myself,
And make His glory dwell,
Show the world that Jesus is alive and well?

O our God...

All His daughters, all His sons
They will see His holy One
With His scepter and His sword
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
With our hearts we give Him praise
A fragrant offering we raise
Let us work for kingdom come
Victory that Christ has won

Gift # 2 - My wounds are healed

I had many emotional scars: anger, grudges, guilt and just plain-old persistent sin. I’m really bad about grudges; I hadn’t forgiven my own loved ones for things that happened when I was a child. And friends too. Then there was a pedophile that tried to molest me when I was 10. You never know how big of a load you’ve been carrying until you are finally released from them and feel light as a feather.

How did I get to forgiveness and healing? It began with a fellow seminary student who prophesied something about my life, something she had no way of knowing. I took that seriously and prayed about it, and realized there were a lot of things I hadn’t healed from, things that kept blocking my path with God. I talked about it with a few people, then decided to take advantage of the summer break to pray, talk with some trusted friends, write on my journal, and finally see a Christian counselor. It ended one afternoon on my knees, crying and calling people out by name, one by one, telling God I forgave them. It was really an act of love: Jesus told us to love, pray and do good to those who persecute us. I actually prayed in love for each one of them, that they would know the forgiveness I know, and the eternal life I’ve been given through Jesus Christ. And in gratitude for what He has done for me, I forgave those who wronged me, whether intentionally or inadvertently. It was a beautiful moment.

This song is kind of a dream about arriving at a Healing Station, a place in your mind and heart God takes you to, where the journey itself is as important as the destination. Just by choosing to take the voyage you begin to let go of things, until you come to a place where it's time to forgive. It's a marvelous thought, and I think it's true. Then you open your eyes and realize all those wounds are gone.

Scripture passages to reflect on: Matthew 5:44, Romans 12:19-21

Come on down to where the healing has begun

Come on down to the place where I am from

Come feel the rest, come touch the sky

Come tighten up the strings and make us cry

Come inside to tell a joke and make me laugh

Come on in to make me smile, make me crack

What I miss the most of those days

Are memories I know I never had

Oh, lie down by the tree and stare up high

See the sun peer through the branches deep and wide

Feel the breeze the winds are blowing

Feel the touch of heaven calling

The mouth of death is leaving you behind

Wake up, wake up and feel the sweat

It’s running down your face

The breath of love unmet

Hands lifted high, got your arms they’re open wide

And that smile, it has no place to hide

The little boy is laughing, his friend cannot believe his eyes

They get to really talking, he tells them all the times he lies

He smiles, he says I understand

I never ceased to think you grand

Let’s play, let’s do what you want

Wake up…

Wake up, wake up

Get up and feel the magic of a brand new day

Hands lifted high, got your arms all open wide

And that smile, it’s clinging to his grace

Pass the note, pay the cheque and walk outside

Stars are shining, let’s stay gazing at the night

Tomorrow skies are clearer, good night’s sleep will bring you nearer

To his house where healing becomes whole.

On the recording you will hear a person open the door and try to make as little noise as possible. That's what I get for borrowing someone's living room while the house was being renovated. That's why the track is called "Wake Up (With Eerie Foosteps)". Thank you Lloyd and Jackie!

Gift # 1 - There is hope after destruction

Last May my city was flooded. My apartment’s on a hill and was spared any damage, so I drove to a school in my neighborhood on my day off and helped clean up a preschool that was totally ruined. Everyone was in a good mood! How is that possible? There were school staff members, church members, Walgreens employees, and neighbors joining forces and taking everything out of the preschool. All we left were the two-by-fours for the bullzoder to knock down.

Then we went next door to an elderly lady’s home and did the same. Her home was also ruined, but she was in a good mood too! I couldn’t believe it. Everyone had faith things would somehow be OK. There was such a good atmosphere of cooperation and hope that God would help them that it really did something in me. On my way home a melody came into my head : “All the walls came down but the 2x4/No did not blow the trumpet like at Jericho/But the walls came down but the 2x4...”

So obviously I thought about the story of Jericho but it also reminded me of Job, who lost everything but still praised God. And finally I thought about the rebuilding of the Temple and the walls in Jerusalem in Ezra and Nehemiah’s time. They partied for a week when they finished.

A nearby church and a group of businesses helped restore our little lady’s home, and a TV show rebuilt the preschool. Isn’t that something.

All the walls came down but the 2x4

All the walls came down but the 2x4

No did not blow the trumpet like at Jericho

But the walls came down but the 2x4

Gutted all for Misa Bulldozer

Gutted all for Misa Bulldozer

Make a way for the rock Ebenezer

Gutted all for Misa Bulldozer

Sorrow, no sorrow for tomorrow

I lend you and you borrow

Anything you need

Sorry your house it looked so comely

I'll feed you when you're hungry

Anything you need

They rebuilt the Temple, Nehemiah said

They rebuilt the Temple, Nehemiah said

Then they prayed and feasted all week when

They rebuilt the Temple, Nehemiah said

Lord You give

Lord You give

Lord You give and take away (Job 1:21)

Here's a live version of the song:

Scripture passages to reflect on: Nehemiah 8:9-18, Joshua 6, Job 1